I used to be able to decode baby Reagan's cries and whines quite accurately, usually either he wants milk, wants to sleep, needs a diaper change, sick..etc But now his whining has increased as his needs increased. Not only I've to take care of his basic needs, I've to also watch out for his emotional needs as he grew older. A baby's crying or whining is an automatic response to communicate to you his needs, such as for love, comfort or security. And I believe that a mother should never deny love and attention to her child.
The more a mother tries to ignore the baby's whining, the more anger and frustration she feels. Yes , I admit that I sometimes do get really annoyed and honestly I get this negative feeling only when I tried to ignore his whining. It's always easy for others to comment "Just let him cry, he know when to stop, you give him attention you spoil him.." Not responding to a baby's cry go against a mother's intuitive responses. so it is easier for one who is not attached to the baby to say that.
Maybe it's true that after the child whines long enough he stops, and that's not because you've managed to "trained" him to obey you. It is because they lose the motivation to communicate with you. At this baby stage, crying and whining are their only method they can use to get your attention, and if they are always ignored, they think they do not have the power to communicate and give up, they will then grow up to become less expressive and unresponsive. A mother should learn to be sensitive and knows how to respond to their babies' cues in a nurturing way, which will benefit by building up the child's trust and creates healthy bonding and communication.
Baby Reagan knows how to whine for attention and affection nowadays. Sometimes there's nothing else he wants except for some cuddling time with me. Yes I always try to respond to his whining by picking him up, cuddle and ensure him that mummy loves him and is always there for him. Never one time I blamed or labeled my child "naughty" as well. A child who demands more love from his own mother is NOT a naughty kid. Of course there have been times when I tried to cheat by pretending not to hear his whines, or wait for him to get distracted and hopefully he stops and forgets that he was whining earlier. Well, it doesn't work all the time though. And the more I ignored, the more he wont stop and the more frustrated I gets, and that's because I choose to deny love and attention to my child. And that's probably the last thing I wants my child to feel.
Of course having said much above, it doesn't mean Reagan is going to be "spoilt" with all the attentions he wants at all times. It depends a lot on the situation as well. As mentioned before in my previous entry, a parent should know the right time to say "NO." My positive attention will not be used to condone these 3 common babies' behaviors; he is going to do something which can get himself hurt, he is going to do something to hurt others and he is going to do something which will caused damage and destruction. Other than the above, why should I withdraw my love and attention from my baby who thinks he needs and wants more from his mother.
I'm glad that Hubs and I share the same philosophy for parenting. With just barely 1 year of experience, we are are still the "newbies" in the realm of parenthood and still have so much to learn. At least it's comforting to know that both of us are on the same track and agree with the same kind of parenting style that we want to approach. Our goal is to earn the trust and respect from our child and by doing so is to set great examples for them, and that's because actions speaks so much more powerfully than words. If we do not want our child to hit others, we do not hit our child too. If we want to teach our child to keep their words, we set good examples by keeping our promises to them too. We want to nurture our child to be a better person in an environment filled with love and positivity , instead of one that is filled with fear, abuse (whether physical or verbal) and unreasonably display of authority. We don't want our child to obey us like dogs, but we want him to challenge us with his thoughts and opinions, of course in a respectful manner. And lastly and most importantly, we wish for our child to grow up to be a good-natured, happy and confident individual.
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